no mother teresa

I am no Mother Teresa.
I wish I am, I pray that I will be but I cannot. Not yet.
I hope I will get there. I’m getting there. I have taken the first single step, hopefully, the right one, many times over, frustratingly, and I know, this journey will take me a million miles, or more.
We often hear it being said, especially by priests, usually during 2nd collections - it is blessed to give than to receive. If you want to be blessed, give. Give until it hurts. Until, paradoxically, there is no more hurting but loving, the joy of giving.
I heard it all before. And before, I think it is a lot of crap.
Not anymore.
I have proven it in myself and saw it happened to others, a million times over, the more you give, the more you will receive. Give love and you will be loved back even more. Punch someone and that someone will hit you back, a lot stronger, if possible, if the other guy can help it! Give money and it will be returned to you - a hundred fold! Try it. I did. It worked! It’s not a lot of crap, really. I give even though it hurts for many of my friends know, I do not put a lot of money on my wallet, for fear of it being stolen, that’s how cynical I have become of human nature. I give even though it hurts for I know that the people I have given to will be unable to give them back, I do not expect them to, that is why giving becomes little less painful to the point that it doesn’t hurt anymore since I found that inner joy in giving. I admit it, it feels good to give, to help. Still, the point remains, if you give, it shall be given back to you, a hundred fold! That is why I give. A little selfish perhaps. But that is what happens - share and it shall be returned to you, and your cup will overflow! A case in point. A pregnant mother tearfully once approached me, knocking on the parish rectory, asking for help, for fare in order to go home to her parents in the province, for her husband abandoned her. I am not a good judge of people, but I can see in her face she abandoned her shame or hid most of it in order to risk being rejected or be helped. I gave her five hundred. Deep inside I felt a lot lonelier than Ninoy’s face on the bill for that was the only money left on my wallet! But I know that lady needs it more than I do. And so I gave. I wish I have given more but that’s all I can share. And when she left, she had that different step in her walk, and I even guessed the baby leapt in her womb as well! Soon after the woman left, a pretty lady, not pregnant physically, I assure you, but spiritually, I would soon come to believe, came knocking at the parish rectory and said - father, here’s 5 thousand. 5 thousand! And father, that is for your personal use, I have already given to the parish so don’t worry about the parish funds. God bless her! My heart leapt for joy, if not skipped a beat! Now I have a different problem - I do not know what to do with the money! That is, until the next beggar comes along…
Before, when I was a new priest, many people would approach me for help, and I would be so cautious in helping. Not about the spiritual help such as confession, counseling, advice, etc (those I can give generously and there’s still plenty of those from where they came from!). I was so hesitant in helping when it comes to material help - such as food (believe me, some people who claim to be hungry come to me with bodies bigger than mine), clothing (believe me, though no one has yet come to me fully naked and begging for a pair of clothes, most if not all come to ask for clothing fully covered, thank God!), and most especially money (for medicine, fare, delivery- about to give birth, believe it or not, and ransom - believe it or else!). I have been duped many times, even inside the confessional box, mostly inside the confessional box! That is why I believe the 80/20 rule is applicable even here - 80% of the people who needs help need help of the other kind, the mental one. 20% of the people who approach you really need the help of the kind they are asking for. And that is the frightening beauty about it, 20% of the help you give, hopefully contributes to 80% or more of the situations becoming fixed, resolved, with lives being healed or transformed, somehow, or something like that. That is why I give, for the sake of the 20% who really need help. To hell with the 80% who fooled me, pardon my expression. It is not my problem, it is theirs. Just so to protect myself, I follow my unwritten rule, no matter how often set aside, to give only once to a person who needs help, to paraphrase someone - fool me once, it’s your fault, fool me twice, it’s my fault; ask for my help once and you really need help, ask for my help twice and I really need help! That is why I give, because someone needs help, and more importantly, because I have something to give. And I hold it in my heart that God will bless me, in ways beyond what my limited imagination can think of.
I am no Mother Teresa but that will not stop me from giving, that’s the least I can do.